No, man, I'm just saying'-- I'm sayin' if-- if you own
the beach property, right...
- Mm-hmm? - Do you own, like,
the sand and the water?
Nobody owns the water. God owns-- It's God's water.
What if someone walks onto your beach, right?
Let's say if you do own it.
No, man, you don't own the beach.
What you own is sand on the beach, man.
Here. Here, man.
What if there's a naked girl on the beach?
That girl's not yours. You don't own the girl.
What if she breaks her foot on your property?
She could sue me.
Sue me! Sue me!
- Oh, shit! Oh, shit! - Holy shit!
Ditch it, man! Ditch it!
- Dude, can you eat it? - The whole bag?
Fuck it!
Hey, Mike, um, while you're at it?
- Those are 'shrooms, dude! - Come on, man, just eat it!
Mike, uh...
- I hate to ask, but, uh... for the team? - I can't eat that!
- No! Throw it out the window! - Okay! Okay! Okay!
All right, I'm doin' a drop.
- I'm goin' for a drop. - Just opening the window.
- It's gone. It's gone. - We're cool. It's cool.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
- We're dead! - All right, all right.
Windows down! Windows down!
Windows down! Put the windows down!
All right, we're cool. We're cool.
God, did you see that?
It must have been, like, a double homicide
or something fuckin' cool.
- We was freakin' out, man. - Man, I almost had a heart attack.
Mike, you didn't eat both those bags, did you?
Come and get it.
You must have eaten, like, a hundred bucks worth of pot...
and, like, 30 bucks worth of shrooms, man.
Who's the man?
So, I'm gonna-- I'm gonna need 130 buck, you know...
whenever you get a chance.
- Fuck, man. - That-- That's not really cool, man.
Is that the same car, man?
- D-- Do I look high? - Yeah.
Here they-- Here they come.
Lick on it. Just lick it or somethin'.
Be cool, be cool.
License and registration.
Uh, Officer, I know that--
License and registration, please.
The regis--
- You know how fast you were goin'? - What?
- How fast you were goin'? - Uh, 65?
- Sixty-three. - Officer, isn't-- isn't
the speed limit 65?
Yeah, it is.
- Where you boys headed? - Canada.
C-- Canada. We're goin' over the border to Canada...
- for some french fries and gravy, sir. - Poutine.
Canada, huh? Almost made it.
- Are you okay? - Yeah, sure.
- Yes, sir? - Yes, sir.
- Now, did you say, 'Yes, sir'? - I think he said, 'Yeah, sure.'
- What'd you say, man? - Well, I said, 'Yeah, sure,'
but what, literally, I said was, 'Yeah, sure, sir.'
- So you are okay then? - Yes, sir.
- You smell somethin', Rabbit? - Fear.
Now hand over that registration.
Yes, sir. My mother's gonna kill me.
Holy, shit. This is-- This is-- This is-- Don't look. Don't look.
- Oh, my God. - I don't get it, man.
Am I fucked up or is this fucked up, man?
This shit is fuckin' crazy.
Shit, man. I was just about to pull out my Nine...
and put a cap in that pig's ass.
Oh, fuck!
Oh, my God!
Shit!
Fuck!
Pull the vehicle over!
- I'm-- I'm already pulled over, man! - Pull over farther, man!
I can't pull over-- Sir, I'm already pulled over!
He's already pulled over!
He can't pull over any farther!
License and registration, please.
- But I-- I just gave you it, Officer. - License and registration.
You know how fast you were goin'?
- Uh, sixty-five? - Sixty-three.
I'm freakin' out, man.
You are freakin' out, man.
You want to know why I pulled you over?
- Littering. - Officer, that-- that's not ours.
- Candy bars! - Littering and-- Littering and--
- And, uh-- - Littering and--
Littering and, uh-- Littering and, uh--
Littering and, uh--
Littering and smoking the reefer.
Now to teach you boys a lesson, Officer Rabbit
and I are gonna stand here...
while you three smoke the whole bag.
Please, no.
- Please, yes-- - Fuckin'pig!
Mother of God.
Whoo!
We're in high-speed pursuit of a white Miata
headin' southbound on 2-9-4.
Unit 91, come in, 91. Unit 91, come in, 91.
What are you doing out there, 91? Quit counting your pubes.
We got a hell-raiser in a white Miata.
Ninety-one, are you there? Ninety-one?
Ninety-one, are you there?
Hey, good-lookin'. You catch any speeders today?
- Whoo! - What the fuck!
Let's go, 91.
Rabbit, get that gun out!
Aw, Mac, you fucker!
Greetings.
- You guys are too slow. - You killed my dummy.
Mac, now I'm gonna pay you. But I shouldn't, 'cause I knew
it was you the whole time.
Thorny, don't lie in front of the rookie.
It sets a bad example.
- Foster, where are your shoes? - What, are you
the shoe police now?
I am, and you owe me 20 laps around the bar. Let's go.
Your black magic only works on the rookie.
That's brown magic.
- Pay up. - When do I get to do that?
You'll get your chance, Rook. Shots?
- Yeah. - That's a lot of booze.
- Uh-huh. Uh-huh. - I'm impressed.
Jesus!
Sorry, boys, you're on duty.
- On your tab, Officer Womack? - Rookie, pay the lady.
Unit 23. Come in, 23.
Do you need me out there? Do you need my assistance?
- Shut up, Farva. - I can be there--
Listen, we got the Miata. We're okay.
What about those dopers you picked up?
Do you need my assistance?
The snozberries taste like snozberries.
- Oh, shit! - He killed the cops!
- Get out of the car, man! - This is a cop car!
- Hello. - You boys like Mexico?
Yeeeee-hoooooo!
One, two, three, do it!
Oh, go, girlfriend. I'm your mother.
Come on, Thorny. You're losing to the rookie.
It's embarrassing.
Come on, Rabbit. You can do it.
Oh, Rabbit, he's killing you. I got Thorny in front by a lot.
What's the matter, your mama didn't teach you how to chug?
Come on, Thorn. Come on, Thorn.
- Ohh! - Goddamn it.
I am all that is man.
- Every time. - Finish it up.
See, there you have it. You're doing it all wrong.
Open your throat, relax the jaw.
Don't forget to cup the balls. You're never gonna win...
with those thin little bird lips you got there.
This guy's got these big old powerful lips.
Am I correct, Thorn?
So much of my authority is derived from the power right here.
Hey, guys.
Wow.
- Uh, do you have any more syrup? - Sorry, Urs.
Why couldn't they chug ketchup?
It's a good thing you didn't order hash browns.
I mean, if they had been chugging the ketchup.
You get the score of that Red Sox game last night?
- I turned it off just after-- - Ah, waiter. There you are.
I will have the enchilada platter with two tacos and no guacamole.
- Smy? - Yeah, Chief, I'll take a chinchilla.
I don't get it. Tacos?
They think I'm Mexican.
You're not Mexican?
Another highway cop? What, are you guys multiplying?
Yeah, if they can figure which hole to stick it in.
Ah, what the fuck?
- Hey, I saw that! - Sit down, Rando.
That's it!
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! All right, all right!
- Cut it out, you turkeys! - He fuckin' started it!
I'm sorry, Bruce. These boys get that syrup in them...
they get a little antsy in their pantsy.
You just can't keep them under control.
You should keep these dogs on a leash, John.
Let's go.
* A-number one top gun cadets *
* In the name of justice John Q Public can trust us *
* Hail to thee dear old Paroon *
- Hail to thee! - Hail to thee!
- Hey, all right!
Hey, what's up, bone diddlies? Did I miss the song?
Sing it again, rookie bitch.
Farva.
- Forgot the coffee. - My bad, Cap.
All right, all right. Let's get started.
I got the latest shit list, gentlemen.
It's down to Flagstone, Deer Lick and us.
And if we keep up these low numbers, you can bet your sweet butts...
we're gonna get the big, ugly ax.
- Who'll bust heads on the highway? - The goddamn local cops!
And you better believe that Grady and his goons...
have got a copy of this list, so we need to step it up.
Who wants cream?
Nobody? Okay, no cream.
Foster, how many tickets did you issue last week?
Uh, I don't have my figures here in front of me.
Three.
- I can't make 'em speed. - Try hidin'.
And grow a goddamn moustache, why don't ya?
I haven't shaved in two weeks.
- I'm growin' mine. - Oh, you're growin' yours, are ya?
I'll tell you when it's time to grow a moustache.
Coffee's served!
Oh, no! That's Rabbit's. That's Rabbit's.
- I get it. It's Rabbit's. - Oh, look, a bar of soap.
Oh, shit! I got you good, you fucker!
- Awesome prank, Farva. - Better than the crap you pull, Frank.
- Look, fellas... - Bite it, Rook.
Make him look like a dick.
every Thursday night I walk into the Lodge to play Hearts...
and they always have my Old-Fashioned just waiting there.
- I like that. - Bite it. Bite--
Oh, hell! Give me the goddamn soap!
We got 50 miles of highway. That stretch of highway is ours.
I'll be damned if I'll let Grady and those buttheads
get their hands on it!
Thorny, you're the ranking officer here.
Let's do your jobs and keep this place open, huh?
Let's do it. Farva!
Your suspension continues. Hit the radio.
Oh, yes.
Oh. Oh, local Smokeys on our turf.
All right, hit it.
See, that's what O'Hagan was talking about.
Hi. You guys forget what color your car is?
- Bye-bye. - Later, dude.
All right, how about 'Cat Game'?
Cat Game? What's, uh, what's the record?
Thorny did six...
- but I think you can do ten. - Ten?
Starting right meow?
- Uh, sorry about that. - All right, meow...
hand over your license and registration.
Your registration? Hurry up meow.
Oh.
Sorry.
There somethin' funny here, boy?
No, no, no.
Well, then, why you laughing, Mr. Larry Johnson?
- All right meow, where were we? - Are you saying 'meow'?
Am I saying 'meow'?
- I-- I-- I thought-- - Don't think, boy.
Meow, do you know how fast you were going?
Meow, what is so damn funny?
I could have sworn you said 'meow.'
Do I look like a cat to you, boy?
Am I jumping around all nimbly-bimbly from tree to tree?
- No. No. - Am I drinkin' milk from a saucer?
- No. - Do you see me eatin' mice?
Now you stop laughin' right meow.
Yes, sir.
Meow, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket on this one.
- But-- - No 'buts' meow. That's the law.
It's not so funny meow, is it?
Meow!
Ooo-wee-ooh!
Thanks for washing my car, Rook.
- You know what this is? - A chamois cloth?
Ha! Lucky guess. I just lost a buck...
to myself.
- Think that's funny, do you? - Yeah, I do.
Also heard something funny about how you got suspended.
Something about a school bus full of kids?
Oh, you heard that, did ya? Let me tell you another
funny story, New Jack.
Back in '74...
the great Charlie Rich was named Country Musician of the Year.
Then in '75, he had to hand the award off to the new one.
And you know who that was?
Mr. 'Sunshine on My Goddamn Shoulders,'
John Denver.
- Really? - Yeah. Can you believe it?
- Wow! - Replaced by John Fuckin' Denver.
- Amazing. - Yeah.
Well, I'll be damaged if Mr. Rich didn't pull out
his cigarette lighter...
and light that award on fire in front of everyone.
Do you get it?
So you're saying you'll set my Country Music Award on fire?
I'm saying when my suspension's up, you better watch your ass.
Or you'll light my ass on fire?
You wanna go? You wanna take one?
Make your first move.
Hey! I hate to break up the honky convention,
but we got a 10-92.
You wanna take this one, Rod?
Hell, yeah!
I bet you do-- Ohh!
Nice wax job, Rook.
- Thank you, sir. - You--
What the hell is this? We got local pigs runnin' around?
How'd the locals beat us here? We're, like, ten miles out.
Look at this chump. Oh, Mr. Tough Guy here.
Take a walk, buddy, take a walk.
Holy shit! It's a cool Winnebago.
My Uncle Denny used to have one just like this.
Rabbit, put your game face on.
You got it, boss.
- Hey, what the fuck? - Oh-oh!
Oh, yes.
Oh, man! What happened here?
Take a walk, sonny.
This investigation is already under control.
Well, now it is.
- Hey! - Don't touch
the crime scene, rodent!
Rabbit. Hey, look at that. Johnny Chimpo.
- Quit slappin' me. - Would you stop touching
my rookie, Grady?
Hey, I'll touch you.
This is the Spurbury Police. Put your hands up
and come outta there!
Get the fuck out of here!
Glamor pet. No dice. Get your tape.
Okay. Let's cruise.
Sounds like y'all have a hog problem.
Oh, watch it, Mac.
Mac, I'm serious. Be careful, Mac. He's angry.
- He's angry? Well, hello. - Hey, mark it off.
- Smy, you mark it off. - Back it up, Grady. I'm serious.
What's the point? Didn't you guys get shut down already?
Oh, yeah, that's next week.
Your bust. You know there's a dead chick in there?
Move it, Ramashit!
- Take it up with O'Hagan! - Fight, fight, fight!
Get off of me! Get off!
I'll give you the fat guy for Foster and, uh...
how about that stupid guy for Rabbit?
Well, you're gonna have to be more specific.
They're both kinda fat and stupid.
Get these damn handcuffs off now, Ramathorn!
- Cut him loose. - Go ahead, Smy.
You want to tell me what bug crawled up your big ass, Grady?
Yeah, I will tell you. This is our crime scene.
We are takin' it.
It's highway. It's our jurisdiction.
No. No.
This highway is closed. This is our jurisdiction.
Aw, fuck it. You deal with the hog.
Hey, Chief.
What in hell's gotten into you guys?
I told you to be good. I told you this was a bad time.
But you go ahead and get into a battle royale with the locals
at a crime scene.
- But they started that fight. - Of course they started the fight.
Now they've taken a jurisdictional grievance against us.
They want us to blow it.
I mean, a murder on the highway...
and you give them the investigation.
Christ! We look like a bunch of pussies.
All right, come on out, Rabbit.
I guess I just go take a shower then, huh?
Ow!
Strike three! You're out of there!
All right, good cut, Ruthie. Good cut. Come on.
Next batter! Batter up! Next batter! Let's go.
But, Thorn, if they do shut you down...
maybe you could stick around here?
I don't know, get a different job?
You can always come work in my shop.
Yeah, retired cop goes to work for his hippie girlfriend
in her head shop. Too sitcom.
Okay. You better pay attention, Coach. Our son's up.
All right, Arlo. Watch the ball. Get a hit.
You got it.
- Let's do it. - All right, Arlo.
Whoa!
- Hey, you gotta keep on your toes. - Do somethin' about that, ref.
Sorry-ass local cops.
You think you have a nice relationship with someone...
based on professional courtesy and mutual boredom.
The next thing you know, they're trying to take you out.
What? What?
I don't wanna get transferred.
Have to go be a rookie again with a bunch of random dudes.
Don't worry about it.
If it happens, we'll, uh, we'll all just stay here,
open up a roller disco.
Throw him the heat. Bring it on.
Uh, anybody want a corn dog?
See if they got any chocolate bananas. Foster?
Ohh!
Hey, Charlie's Angel.
Hey, congratulations. You're the one millionth
person to say that to me.
- Oh. What do I win? - Ooh. Um...
Ahh. There you go.
Hope I don't get brain freeze.
I'm not sure you've got the required equipment.
So, listen, I, um, had a really good time at that Winnebago fight.
Maybe, uh, I don't know, we could do it again sometime.
All right, all right. Fair is fair.
You can slug me back if you want to.
- Really? Okay. - Yeah.
Hold my snow cone.
- Okay. - Heads up!
Hey, what happened over there?
What? Wh-- Why?
How about a little pep, hmm?
From those guys over there.
Assholes.
You want to move that, buddy. Now!
- So, about my field time. - Yeah, yeah. I've been
thinkin' a lot about that.
I think I might be able to talk to Grady for you.
- Pink stick, eat it or lose it. - Hey, shut your pie hole, buddy.
I mean, because I'm ready to go out on patrol.
I'm goin' nuts being on the radio all the time.
I'd like to get some field work.
Yeah? Why don't you take your radio and go stand in a field.
Move that gigantic cotton candy!
Goddamn it! How's the view from sugar heaven, bitch?
Hi. I'm looking for Chief Grady. I have some files for him.
Grady's not here. I'll take the file.
It's kind of important. How about Officer Rando?
Nope.
What do you need? I'm the only one here?
There are no male officers around?
Just give me the file.
What's this?
So you originally from Vermont or, uh, or what?
You know, you've got a lot of courage,
walkin' into the lion's den.
- Oh, I got brass buns. - Mm. You should join the band.
What are your cells, eight by eight?
Ours are nine by nine. No big deal.
Listen, you seem like a really nice guy,
but I just don't date cops.
I'm not much of a cop, really. More like a civilian
trapped in a cop's body.
Oh. Well, I hear you can get an operation for that.
But then, I guess you'd miss out on all those wacky things
you highway guys do.
Yeah, those stories about us are mostly lies, really.
Except for the one about how we pulled over AC/DC's bus...
and then they flew us down to Jamaica to party with them;
that one's true.
But, yeah, other than that, it's pretty boring out there.
Yeah, well, I wouldn't know.
All right, it's probably time for you to get out of here.
- I don't want to get fired too. - Oh, I'm not getting fired.
I'm gettin' shut down. That's a big difference.
In our cells, the door is over here.
Right.
A couple of hyenas.
Well, you know, they are speeding.
- Come in, Radio. - Don't call me Radio, Unit 91.
Then don't call me Unit 91, Radio.
- Are you done? - Yeah, okay, Radio.
We got a suspicious vehicle. White Caprice, Vermont plates.
Tijuana-Gringo-Water-Fiver-Zero.
- Roger. Checking. - Thank you, Radio.
Unit 91, that license plate belongs to a local Spurbury police vehicle.
It does? Oh, my God!
- Very funny, 91. - Thank you, Radio.
Whoa! Looks like that truck's planning on
skipping the weigh-in.
Yeah, well, you don't weigh in, you don't wrestle.
Whoa! What's this jack-off doin;
trying to pull him over?
There's no fuckin' way that is happenin'.
- What the hell's he doin'? - I got somethin'.
Yeah. That's right, doofus. Move it along.
You, uh, wanna do 'Repeat'?
Do you wanna do 'Repeat'?
No. I've been thinking a lot about what the captain said.
I'd like to play it straight this time, okay?
Okay.
- For O'Hagan. - For O'Hagan.
Good morning.
Would you mind stepping down from there with
your license and registration?
- Sure. I was just-- - Good morning.
Would you mind stepping down from there with
your license and registration?
- Yeah. No problem. - Excuse me one second.
No.
Excuse me one second. No.
Did, uh, I do something wrong, officers...
because I know I wasn't speeding.
- Why didn't you weigh in? - Yeah, why didn't you weigh in?
Did I miss that weigh station?
They got me runnin' so many miles...
I just must have dazed out and well--
I'll pull into the next one and get weighed, okay?
What are you pulling back there?
Well, uh, mostly just soap, I think.
Why don't we take a look?
Listen, Officers, I'm on a really tight schedule. I really need to--
Let's go, Mr. Galikanokus.
Well, you heard him. Let's go, Mr...
Mr. Galonukum.
Hop on up.
Okay-silly-dilly-dokey-o. I'm an idiot.
Yeah, that's true.
Sorry about the light there.
I have a flashlight in the cab.
- Hey! Mr. Galikanokus! - Whoa!
Mr. Galikanokus!
- We should have seen that comin'. - We should have seen that comin'.
- It is time to stop now, Mac. - It is...
time to stop now, Mac?
And that was the second time I got crabs.
- Awesome. - Afternoon.
- Hey. - Hey.
It stinks like sex in here.
What happened?
We got a little distracted by somebody doin' the 'Repeater.'
- Huh. That'll happen. - That will happen.
Well, you did it this time.
Fishin' your car out of Lake Leblanc right now.
Oh, man.
Nah, we just parked it across the street.
All right, listen. Next time this kind of thing happens...
I want you to stop, take a deep breath...
and pull your heads out of each other's asses, would ya?
Language.
It's easy for you to say. He's got a tiny little head.
Yeah.
What's this guy movin'?
Soap, I think.
Reefer.
Whoo-hoo! That's one stinky pyramid.
We should've built a stinky igloo and climb in.
- That's a lot of pot. - Thinkin' back to your tour days
with the Dead, Rabbit?
- Better lock this shit up, huh, buddy? - What are you talkin' about?
Enhance.
Enhance. Enhance.
Just print the damn thing!
All right, what do we know about this Galikanokus guy?
It's a fake name, fake license.
- Bunty Soap? - Fake soap company.
What, plastic fake? Decorative fake? What?
No, like they don't exist.
So, we got 150 kilos of marijuana and no arrests.
We got nothin'.
I got a theory, Cap.
These, uh, bales of pot, they have that red Johnny Chimpo
sticker on them.
And that dead woman in the Winnebago had the same
logo tattooed on her back.
See, a lot of drug dealers use stickers to mark their
products. Like a brand name.
See! Where'd you learn that, Cheech? Drug school?
Shut up, Farva.
Did that bag you pulled off those college kids have that sticker?
Um...
I don't believe it did.
Was there any marijuana on that Winnebago?
Nope.
A monkey tattoo. Sounds kinda flimsy.
What's the significance of this John Chimpo fella?
Uh, well, you know those really cheap Japanese cartoons?
No? This is basically a cheaper Afghani knockoff.
It's this monkey that basically travels around the world...
uh, doing nasty things.
His butler tries to keep him in line, but, uh--
No.
It's really funny, Cap. It's Afghanistanimation.
The monkey has a butler? Great.
Is that what they do in Arabia, Thorny?
How the hell should I know?
All right. Somebody get me a VTR copy of this thing.
I'll talk to Grady, see if he'll let us take a look at the Winnebago.
All right. You ready for the photo shoot?
Okay, fellas, let's take it.
- Pull down your pants. - Shut up, Farva, you idiot.
Come on, do it.
John. I'm not interrupting, am I?
Mad Timber!
- No. Come in, come in. - Good work, gentlemen,
all the way around.
- Could I get in on that? - Sure. Why not?
Excuse me. Good work. Good work, Officer.
Hey.
You're gonna have a hard time shutting us down now,
right, Mr. Mayor?
We got a murder one day, a drug bust the next.
I'm thinkin' we need as much police as we can get.
- That'd be a good slogan, wouldn't it? - Mm-hmm.
Tell that to the budget committee.
I just got off the phone with Governor Jessman...
and she's gonna be swinging through here
on her way to Burlington.
Give me a gun, huh, to hold for the pictures.
- Rabbit, run. Gun. - And, John...
as far as this brawling with the local police is concerned--
It won't happen again, Bill. I'm onto it.
Good.
'Cause when the governor shows up, I'm gonna throw her
a little party.
We're gonna let her know just how this community feels
about its law enforcement.
Spread it on!
Come on, Dad! Faster! Faster!
So what's the deal with you and Bobbi?
Come on, Dad!
You guys are goin' out, but you, um, sleep with other people?
Well, I mean, yeah. Not really. Kind of.
It's sort of a long story, all right?
Well-- Hey, Arlo, does Mom ever have any friends over?
- Any older boys? - Can't we turn the siren on?
In a minute, all right? Are you listening?
Does she have anyone over that maybe you call uncle?
Like Uncle Fred?
Uncle Fred? Who's Uncle Fred?
He's this crazy bird on TV.
He's crazy. He flies around like a pigeon.
Oh, right.
Uncle Freddy, he's great. He's a crazy bird.
Okay.
We got one.
You wanna take this one, kid?
- What about you? - I gotta stay with little 'A.'
- You're okay, right? - Sure.
- Go on. Make mama proud. - All right.
Yeah, Farva, I got a Porsche, brown, Washington plates--
- Eight-Donna-Peanut-Eunuch. - Roger. Checking.
Kill it.
Can I please see your license and registra--
I'm sorry, Officer, for the speeding violation.
I am so used to driving on the Autobahn.
Uh-- What?
...Sean Cassidy.
Yummy, yummy.
Nicht?
Do you know why I pulled you over?
We were driving way too fast.
- Ja. - Ja.
Officer, this is a major problem...
because I cannot afford another ticket with mein Porsche.
Is there maybe something I can do for you, hmm?
Or maybe my wife...
could do for you to avoid this dilemma?
Is there maybe something you would like me to do to you?
Or maybe something you would like to do to me? Hmm?
Uh, 'cause you were doing 90 in a 65.
Perhaps some spanking or cuffing is in order.
Could you hold on a minute? Just a minute. I'll be right back.
- Twenty-three, that Porsche is hot. - Are you sure?
Rabbit?
- Please, Thorn, not now. No. - He can join too, if you like?
- Get over here. - Tickle, tickle.
- Ja. - Hold on a second.
Just one second, huh?
- What? - Farva said that car is stolen.
What? Stolen?
- Shit! - Is there a problem, officers?
Hold on! Come on, Thorn, I need this.
Look, kid, any other day, I'd step in here
and show you how to swing.
But the car's stolen.
Goddamn it!
You got to get over there and you got to cuff her.
Do it! You're a highway patrolman.
Cut it out! Do it.
Now turn that off and step out of the car, sir.
- This is no problem, hmm? - Put your hands on the car
and spread 'em.
- Ah, now some fun for both of us. - Get back in the car!
Rabbit, get over there and cuff her.
- Up against the car. - Ma'am, I hate to do this
to you, but would you--
would you please put your hands behind your back?
Now things are getting kinky.
Arlo!
- I love your-- - I'm on the radio.
Come in, Farva.
Arlo! Rabbit! Let's go!
Climb up on Uncle Rabbit's lap, Arlo, okay?
I don't think that's such a good idea, Thorn.
Uh, right.
Okay, why don't you just sit in the middle, buddy?
Ursula, what the fuck? There's no T.P. in the bathroom.
What about the piece stuck to your shoe?
What about that piece?
Shit!
You know, you might get ahead around here
if you made the extra effort.
Do you want me to wipe your ass?
That's not what I--
Well, around my house, my wife knows to refill the T.P.
- I'm not your wife, Smy. - No. And if you were, I'd take
you down a peg or two.
Ooh.
Hi, douche bag.
You know, if you were my wife...
I'd massage your feet every night until you fell asleep.
Nice try.
He strangles her and puts her face in pig food?
What an asshole. Got any I.D. on the corpse?
Yeah. 'Jane Doe.' Do you know her?
Oh, we're working on it.
It's called routine police work.
Apparently, she had a cartoon monkey
tattooed on her back.
John Chimpo, I'm told.
And those cannabis bags in our truck...
those stickers had the same monkey logo.
So we think there might be some kind of connection.
Are you suggesting that a cartoon monkey is
bringing drugs into our town?
Look, I know we don't like each other.
I like you.
Come on! I'm looking for a little cooperation here.
John Chimpo.
Hanson, could you round up, uh, Johnny Chimpo...
and, uh, Jerry Giraffe and Arty the Alligator
and bring them in for a lineup.
- Thanks, sweetie. - Sounds like they're having fun.
That's what happens when you start hanging out
with a state trooper.
We show you the funny.
Well, where were we?
Uh, you were laying your best rap on me
and I was resisting.
But you were starting to think about it.
I told you. I don't touch highway hog.
Baby, I'm Sizzle Lean.
I scratched your back, Bruce. I scratched it good and hard.
Now, either you scratch my back or you're gonna get my size ten
boot up your ass!
Desperation is a stinky cologne, John.
Let's see. You are an expendable line item on a state spending bill.
You have a station full of crappy cops.
I am about this far away from having a bigger budget.
And now, you come in here talking about...
monkey tattoos on some drunk lady's tit like it's
a goddamn drug conspiracy.
Keep your bags packed, John. Let us handle the real
police work, huh?
Uh, John, when you do get shut down, you come back,
talk to me.
I can always use a good meter maid.
Let it roll.
Come and get me, Mac.
- See you later, sucker! - Ohh! Ohh! Fuck!
Can't catch the Rabbit.